Body image and I have never really been best friends. It has taken many years for me to get to a place where I even enjoy looking in the mirror --- much less to a place where I am posting photos of myself on the internet for other people to look at and potentially judge. But something happened about a year ago. I wish I could say it was a moment where I just decided to say "Fuck it! I love my body!" It was not that at all. In fact, while I work on self-love every single day, I can honestly say that there has never been one day where I have truly loved my body. Though I am very grateful for all of the gifts that it brings me. No, about a year ago crop tops became a fashion trend --- so I went to a store, tried one on, bought it, and wore it in public.
Now, lots of people might say "Why was that life changing?" And I guess in the greater scheme of things it truly wasn't. But for the first time in my life, I was willing to walk down the street showing the part of my body that I was most terrified of. The part of my body that made me judge myself to the point of paralyzing my life. The part of my body that stopped me from doing so many of the things that I really wanted to do. But one little inch of skin made me feel powerful, and sexy, and risky, and demure. One little inch of skin made me feel like for the first time I was able to own my body in a public space that wasn't on the beach where people are a wee bit rum drunk and perhaps allow for a little more wiggle room. That one little inch made me feel just a little bit braver every time I wore it.
Let's face it. I work in an industry where perfection is prized. Where even when we praise someone who is "quirky" they are still more visually interesting than 99% of people on the planet. Where body mass and perfect skin can mean the difference between "Yes -- you get the job!" and "Thank you so much." The way I see my body and the way it looks to others is not the same. I know this. But sometimes, with the right piece of clothing, the right lipstick, and just a flash of skin ---- I feel like one of those women who knows she not only gets the job --- she deserves it!