I talk a lot about my body insecurities. Most of these in depth conversations happen in my head --- but man they are long and painful and pretty aggressive. Sometimes, these conversations happen over dinner when I casually push aside a genuine compliment or joke that if we order the cake I would need to be rolled all the way home. When I catch a glimpse of myself in a window walking down the street or see a picture of me from a bad angle I replay the image over and over in my head for the rest of the day. These things do not and will not go away. I work very hard to quiet the voices but man oh man are they hard to silence or even damper --- even though I know they are irrational. Lord, I am so aware.
One thing that does make the resounding voice disappear is when I take classes at Mark Fisher Fitness. MFF, which is a boutique gym in Midtown Manhattan, is a gym that is for ridiculous humans who are all about serious fitness. The classes are not messing around. They will kick your butt, make you laugh, throw glitter bombs in the air (literally) and foster a sense of family all in 60 mins of serious kettle bell realness. It is my fitness home. When I walk through the doors, I am reminded that my body is STRONG. I have thighs that could help me lift a car if I needed to. I have arms that can move all of my furniture around the house by myself when I'm anxiously redecorating. And a core that enables me to carry twelve heavy grocery bags up the hills of Harlem. My butt is a muscle that won't stop. Most importantly, my brain is the strongest of all --- because it allows me to mentally push myself through the intensity of the classes.
Sometimes I fall out of the pattern of going (like the past two weeks --- eek!). When I fall out of my pattern of showing up for class it is really difficult for me to start again. Does anyone else have this problem? I quickly create a new routine, that does not include working out, and then suddenly I feel like I somehow don't have time to go. Which is not true at all! When this happens the voices get really loud again. Telling me that I have done something wrong and I need to fix it in order to be happy. The thing I love about MFF is that even without words, they remind me that this fitness thing is a journey. Sometimes you are all about the fitness goals. Sometimes you are all about the work goals. Sometimes they go together and sometimes they don't. Either way, when I walk through the doors at MFF I am allowed to be home --- and I am allowed to shut down the irrational part of my brain that says my body is not beautiful, sweat out the perpetual internal monologue, and fan kick my way to glory.
This is your daily reminder that you are beautiful no matter what your brain or heart says sometimes. Also -- your body is not anyone's business but your own!
The struggle has been real when it comes to finding clothes that I like to wear to the gym. My new go-to outfit is a good sturdy sports bra and a nice pair of high waisted cropped pants. It keeps me cool in this humid summer, keeps my ladies in place, and keeps all the wibbly bits tucked in when I'm swinging kettle bells.
Here are some affordable brands that I love:
BRANDS IN THIS POST
Sports Bra: VICTORIA'S SECRET -- Pants: OLD NAVY -- Shoes: NEW BALANCE -- Water Bottle: MARK FISHER FITNESS (in gym only)
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